A Catch-up Post

[Warning: It’s long.]

~ D. and I were asked if we’d consider moving out of the house we’re renting two months earlier than planned, for June 1^st. We will, and after agonizing over the “Do we buy or do we rent again?” question for weeks we decided on renting. So now we search. Knowing that I’ll be moving in less than four months but not knowing where has me discombobulated. Home is an important piece of my foundation and when it’s threatened I get agitated. I would be a sucky nomad.

~ My sweetie gave me a copy of Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book, Committed, A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, for Valentine’s Day. He’s a keeper, non? It does beg the question though if he thinks I'm a skeptic when it comes to marriage; maybe last year’s post-proposal cold sweats in the middle of the night gave it away. Yet here I am trusting, risking and loving, seeing where this nuptial ride will take me – where it will take us. I can't wait to delve into the book.

~ My return to work after two months off isn’t going as well as I hoped it would. After five weeks back I am snippy, intolerant, impatient, and feel just about how I felt before I left last October to rest. Surely there’s a lesson to learn here. In the meantime I don’t know how to deal with it; it’s leaving me exhausted and drained.

~ Last week I enjoyed dinner with a dear friend of mine. Afterward we popped over to a favourite new age bookstore I used to frequent, but hadn’t in a long time (you know the kind: tarot cards, incense, etc.), Maybe it was the incense, maybe it was the crystal bowls chakra chants or maybe it was seeing calendars by fellow Squammette Liz (so cool!), but for the first time in months I felt a few moments of inner peace. It was bliss.

~ D. and I enjoyed an amazing weekend at a luxury château in the woods. Posh yet not pretentious it was balm for the soul. Sipping chocolate-sprinkled hot chocolate beside a three-storey six-sided fireplace is definitely the way to go. Before reaching our woodland destination we caught an exhibit by J.W. Waterhouse at the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts. The highlights: watching D. – who is much more familiar with Waterhouse’s work than I am – scurry from one painting to another saying “Come see this one! And this one!”, and seeing the original version of the Waterhouse reproduction on display in our guest room.

~ On this morning's commute to the office someone behind me honked, gesturing for me to hurry up. Without even blinking I look straight at him in my rear view mirror, broke into a wide grin and waved vigorously. It cracked me up. The guy behind me not so much. [grin]

~ The registration for Squam Art Workshops opened last week. After attending two years in a row I’m not sure if I’m going this year, but I highly recommend it! I have a soft spot for the fall session m’self. Not only is the focus on visual arts appealing, but New Hampshire in September is divine.

~ January 25th quietly marked my four year blogging anniversary. I started an Urban Living Experiment when I moved to a sweet apartment in a 1920s walk-up after separating from my then husband; when I started the blog I had no clue where it would lead me. Truth is, today I feel I'm at a blogging standstill and that my writing's gone stale. I have plenty of ideas including a fun (OK, what I think would be a fun) snail mail social networking experiment and I’ve had draft posts in the wings since September. I bought a URL and have a partially revamped blog waiting to come out. There’s just no juice to make it happen. I’m not ready to give up though so I carry on, one post at a time.

Catch-up complete. Till the next post…

A (Long) Freeform Catch-up Post

I've been putting too much pressure on myself to write the perfect post so I decided to cut myself some slack and go freeform - 'cause sometimes freeform is where it's at. For your reading pleasure, here are a bunch of random and not-so-random happenings & thoughts from the past few weeks:

I'm going to be an auntie!
D.'s brother and his wife found out that the little bean they've been nurturing for the past 19 weeks is a GIRL! Congratulations to them - everyone is simply tickled pink. Seeing pictures of my little niece taken in her mother's womb is leaving me in awe and reminding me of joy and miracles. It's so good.

AAA: Acknowledgment, Acceptance, Action
A few weeks ago I finally accepted that I had delved into depression. Sleep was my comfort; I retreated from social situations - online and off and started slipping at work, noticing that I wasn't as sharp (ahem) as usual. My level of patience dipped and my level of snippiness went up considerably, all of this prompting me to scale back to basics. Funny thing is though, as soon as I acknowledged the situation, accepted it and took action - whether it meant scaling back or seeking help - it started getting better. Note to self: acknowledgment, acceptance and action rule.

A break from work
One of the results of my above AAA journey is a four-week break from work. I prayed for the time off, craved it, got it, then promptly questioned whether I even wanted it anymore: "What will people think? Am I just weak? Surely I can suck it up." Thankfully acceptance once again came into play (pretty quickly might I add) and tamed the gremlins. Having time off to rest and not have to worry about going into the office is a gift and I look forward to it. I stumbled upon this post on burnout by Danielle LaPorte at White Hot Truth this morning and fancy her outlook. With words like "I'm curling up to my tenderized being and I'm really very pleased with the state of me", how could I not?

Paintings coming soon to a hair salon near you
Although I've very few plans for my time off, it just so happens one of the first things on deck is an appointment to hang some of my paintings at my hair salon for sale and display. How cool is that? I'll make sure to post some pictures of the space once they're up.

A timely reminder that I am capable
Last weekend I cleaned a few shelves in my office and found a lot of notes from past projects: writing classes, small business seminars, my winter wreath business venture, volunteer work and brainstorming on dreams and possible income streams. I've done a LOT in the past five years. Seeing that gave me confidence and reminded me that I have a lot to offer - perseverance, knowledge and skills that can help me create and support the life I want. I was grateful for the timely boost.

Servas International
During my sabbatical in 2007 I volunteered for Servas International, an organization focused on building peace by connecting travellers throughout the world and helping them learn about each other's culture. It was one of the most fulfilling experiences of my 11 months off. During last weekend's office cleanup I found some of my Servas notes and for some reason couldn't bring myself to throw them in the recycle bin so I filed them in the back of my cabinet. This week I got an email out of nowhere from the person I worked with two years ago inviting me to a catch-up coffee outing. With that kind of serendipitous timing, I think accepting is no-brainer. :)

Et voilà! The thing about freeform catch-up posts is that they can be very long, but they work. I feel all caught up; I hope you do too. Till the next time...

Roots

l'Oncle Elzée et la vieille maison

When I think of my roots, the image above is one of the first things that comes to mind.

This is my great uncle, l'Oncle Elzée (full name Elzéard). This is the house in which he grew up. It's the house in which my father was born. It's the house that stood across the road from the one in which I grew up, and I am deeply attached to it and the soil on which it stood.

L'Oncle Elzée was our next door neighbour. Weather permitting he'd spend most of his days outside talking to his dog Lassie, chatting with the sparrows or simply sitting on his stoop singing - or more specifically what we Acadians call "turlutter" (which, I just found out via Google, has a VERY different meaning in France). Most days included at least one visit to the homestead.

As a child I often watched impatiently through our living room window to see if the door to the old house was open; as soon as it was I'd run over to join him.

I loved the house's creaky floorboards, the green and pale blue walls and the central staircase that led to the tiny upstairs bedrooms - oh how majestic it was to my impressionable eyes. And then my favourite: the tiny curved staircase that led from the back corner of the kitchen to the attic, home of old papers, photos and everyday items from the past. I dubbed it the secret staircase and to this day imaginary plans for my dream house include one.

L'Oncle Elzée told me stories about the people who lived there and I imagined how it might have been. I would never tire of it. He and I were both early risers and spent many a morning together surrounded by remnants of our ancestors. Like clockwork, at about 10:30am he'd say "Ben c'est l'temps d'aller faire bouillir mes patates!" (it's time to go put the potatoes on for lunch).

I also spent many a summer afternoon playing in the barn, and remember the year Mom, Dad & l'Oncle Elzée decided to till the field in front of the barn and fill it with corn and potatoes. Some of my most cherished memories ever are from that garden, marvelling in how many small white potatoes I could find in the rich, dark soil. I still marvel at it.

Sadly neither l'Oncle Elzée nor the house are with us anymore and the land now belongs to someone else. After all these years I still grieve these losses, tears rolling down my face as I type. I hope the new owners will be good stewards and I hope they tread lightly, for they tread on my roots - roots that are very near and dear to my heart.