Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Transition from Squam

playing with clayboard and pastels

I'm having trouble finding the words to write about my experience at Squam this year.

There were no earth-shattering epiphanies like last year. There was no breakthrough achievement of driving solo to NH in my little Civic to join a camp full of strangers for art making. There is no all-encompassing high to carry me through these first few days back at the office.

There is contentment, fatigue and uncertainty about what comes next. Sometimes there is even a disconnect, wondering if it really happened at all.

But it did happen.

Because there were gentle insights, and smiles and hugs. There were reunions, tears of joy and the witnessing of transformation before my very eyes. There was much, much laughter. There were silent tears in the forest, comfort in deepening friendships, and exuberance in song. There was celebration, growth and art. There were chilly nights by the fire, stars on the dock, and honest conversation. There were pauses and snapshots along the journey to capture the moment.

I don't know how to process this yet, why the disconnect or where to go from here. But maybe that's OK. This is my transition space; there'll be plenty of time for specifics later.


  1. Oh, Steph. This is so honest and so true. It WAS different this year. But it felt deeper and richer, and somehow I felt more connected to my committment to be authentic and artistic and joyful. EVERY. DAY. Enjoy the transition. xo!

  2. oh yes! it was so different than last year and i'm also having a hard time sorting through all of my emotions with it. but there were so many little moments along the way, so many kind exchanges, so many new techniques... it's all just so good.
    so love you.

  3. perfectly said, this year was different for me too, in all the ways you have stated. So much to take in. One thing I took away this year that I didn't last year was the feeling that I am right where I am suppose to be, wherever this is.
    so good to catch up with you this year!

  4. oh but what a joy it was meeting you! you are lovely and amazing. xx.

  5. Gentle insights can be larger than you know...just wait and see! Wonderful seeing you!

  6. this really speaks to me... xo