one of three resident windowsill/shelf turtlesA kind soul who replied to a Facebook update venting my struggle wrote "No one is chasing you." Well said. I am chasing myself. But why? What's the rush?
Fear. Fear of missing out; fear that there won't be another opportunity later on, that it's now or never; fear of leaving this world without having done all that I want to do.
Tsk. Such [false] urgency.
So here's the question that came to mind: So what? What's the worse that could happen if I don't do it all, if I miss out on an opportunity? What's the best that could happen if I slow down and focus on what's in front of me?
It's not an excuse to slack off, it's an attempt to be content in the now and manage expectations stemming from my left-brain list-making goal-setting tendencies.
I have no answers, only questions and insights to ruminate and let be. But I do have hope. Hope that through practice I will find reconciliation and balance that will quell the inner turmoil - or at least acceptance that I will find no such thing and carry on as best as I can.
Gentle patience indeed.
beautiful.
ReplyDeletei really struggle with this too. like a child unwilling to take a nap for fear they might not be able to PLAY! but it is with wisdom that we take the time to only do what we can plausibly, patiently do.
you may miss certain opportunites here or there, but your patience and hard work right here and right now could very well lead to much bigger opportunites better suited to your talents and happiness.
(((muchlove)))
i have sped full speed ahead with things and have been left feeling pressured and lost and unhappy and needing to take a step back ... sometimes missing opportunities can be a gift, i am starting to think that moving slow, with patience (something i never used to be good at but am learning) is where i want to be, this year anyway ;-) xo
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