I am struggling with patience these days. Not your "Grrrr I can't open the peanut butter jar" kind of patience, but the more gentle "If I don't get to it this year I'll get to it another year" kind of patience.
A kind soul who replied to a Facebook update venting my struggle wrote "No one is chasing you." Well said. I am chasing myself. But why? What's the rush?
Fear. Fear of missing out; fear that there won't be another opportunity later on, that it's now or never; fear of leaving this world without having done all that I want to do.
Tsk. Such [false] urgency.
So here's the question that came to mind: So what? What's the worse that could happen if I don't do it all, if I miss out on an opportunity? What's the best that could happen if I slow down and focus on what's in front of me?
It's not an excuse to slack off, it's an attempt to be content in the now and manage expectations stemming from my left-brain list-making goal-setting tendencies.
I have no answers, only questions and insights to ruminate and let be. But I do have hope. Hope that through practice I will find reconciliation and balance that will quell the inner turmoil - or at least acceptance that I will find no such thing and carry on as best as I can.
Gentle patience indeed.